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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Mid-week Thoughts

It has been a pretty slow week in the office. More funny scholarship photos, stupid questions and paperwork. On Monday the office was FREEZING. My hands had trouble typing I was so cold. When I took my lunch break in the "break room" I went to close the blinds, hoping that they might stop some of the cold air seeping in through the windows. When I closed the second blind *something* jumped out at me and landed on my pant leg. I gave a tiny shriek and danced around until I saw nothing on my leg. Then I saw that it was a flying beetle that was now on the carpet. I assumed, dead. In order to avoid the creepy creature I moved all of my stuff on the table in front of the other chair and began to walk around the table in the other direction. That's when the same insect jumped out at me AGAIN from its resting place on the chair which I had moved to sit in. Again, I shrieked. This time I killed it. Squashed it hard with my shoe. Then I moved my stuff again so I could sit in a chair and keep my eye on the window in case anything else was after me.

I also discovered on Monday that the temperature control unit in the hallway for the entrance I walk in and out of everyday was not working. After putting in a request for it to be fixed I was informed that it had gone out before they thought it would but they wouldn't be fixing it until APRIL because that is when they had budgeted to put in a new system. It is gonna be a chilly greeting for me until spring.

Last night I had an unpleasant reminder of how my insecurities are still so prevalent in my mind. I know I am not alone in my struggle for complete confidence and finding my self-worth in Christ alone. 26 years and I still listen to the lies that I am too skinny, not good enough, not smart enough, not godly enough. ENOUGH.

My husbands affirming words and actions are not the fix for my insecurity and doubt. ONLY God fills the void and and while my husband is being used by God to heal my wounds ONLY God can make me whole.

Psalm 45:10-12

New International Version (NIV)
10 Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
    Forget your people and your father’s house.
11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
    honor him, for he is your lord.

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